Falling In Love

, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

He's still just under a week off his due date,but I think he's starting to forgive me for evicting him so soon.
Well, maybe except for this morning when I gave him a bath!
I'm hormonal,emotionally drained, and worried, with a head full of advice and information, but when he looks into my eyes, or he's resting on my chest and I can breath in his delicious warm scent, it's all worth it.

Falling Behind

I'm missing my daily catch up with all my babyloss friends around the globe.

Things here are still so crazy, I seem to be constantly making hospital visits or waiting on midwives. Ernest's jaundice is going to take some time to clear properly, and he has lost a lot of weight with the breastfeeding issues. He has a tongue tie, which in combination with his high palette,small mouth, jaundice and being induced early makes for a pretty dismal attempt at breastfeeding efficiently.
He's getting his tongue snipped on Monday, so there is hope things will improve after then. Plus my new best friend, the breast pump and I have managed to help him gain a little weight over the past couple of days, so he's heading in the right direction.
I think it's safe to say that life with our rainbow baby isn't all fluffy clouds and unicorns. I can't say I really expected it to be, but I had hoped for at least normal...whatever that is!

Good Morning

Good Morning, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Waking up to this gorgeous little bundle is a blessing, even if he is still keeping me on my toes.
We are off to the breastfeeding clinic tomorrow...can you believe after breastfeeding four other children I'm struggling with this one? Me and the breast pump are best of friends right now!

So, stress anyone?

Ernest has been back in hospital. His jaundice peeked again, and so he needed more phototherapy. this time at the children's ward.
Let's just say I didn't manage to hold it together quite so well on this visit, and when the pead started to look for a vein in his hand I had a massive flashback and panic attack.
We were very well looked after by the staff though, and able to come home by lunch time today, with everything crossed that the jaundice doesn't get bad again.
The pead assured me Ernest is a healthy baby, and this kind of jaundice is not uncommon.
Just keeping everything crossed that the levels don't rise again, because if they do, it's another trip to hospital, and I'm not sure how much more we can take...and dear Universe that's not a challenge!

For Florence

, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

A whole year, gone.





Florence's day was planned, anticipated, but the Universe once again had different ideas, and Ernest and I found ourselves readmitted to hospital on Wednesday night. Ernest had jaundice and needed phototherapy.
Ernest and I spent Florence's special day in the same hospital , a couple of floors down. The same view from the windows.
We are home now, Ernest is well.
Woody and the children went ahead with our plans, and that's ok. They brought these photos in to hospital for me.
We miss her, and so much more that is for another day...

Baby Boy Is Here!

Ernest George just born!, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Exhausted,will add more details in the coming days,but Ernest George was born screaming and pink on Friday 16th July at 9.10pm. He's a tiddler at only 7lbs1oz. He's gorgeous, and we are all smitten. x

Waiting

Waiting.And while I'm waiting it seems I'm not alone, and what I do know is that if hopes and wishes are enough to get baby boy here safe then we have plenty of those.
I might be distant, a little distracted, tearful, scared and a million more emotions, but I'm thankful for all your good wishes, truly thankful, and hoping all these hopes and wishes will be enough.x

Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who voted for my cheater quilt in last weeks Spoonflower contest. I didn't win, but I didn't expect to, there were some lovely entries. You can see the winner here, which I'm not at all surprised won, it's definately my favourite.

I have ordered my design, I'll be making it up into a play quilt when it arrives.

In other news, I've been in to the hospital this morning for another doppler scan, and all looks well, I have another on Tuesday and if all is well at that one, we are still on schedule for thursday's induction.
So, expect lots of waffle or general insanity from here over the next five or six days, I'm sure it's not going to be pretty.x

My Clever Girl

C07_3487, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Eden loves her gymnastics. Last year she didn't compete because Florence was due to be born, and she was excited and worried about missing the birth. I tried to persuade her otherwise, but she's a determined (and very sensitive) little girl.
This year, I could see she was nervous about competing with another baby due, and the competition on Sid's birthday, but we worked around it, and she was brilliant! Her floor display was excellent. I even saw one of the judges jaw drop when she did her "fish flop". I was so proud, and fighting back the tears, especially when she won silver medal.











(photos reproduced with permission)

Countdown

It's been an exhausting day in hospital, scans, and monitoring and examinations, and swabs, and tears and hands held.
Baby boy will be with us soon. We are booked in for an induction on 15th July.So the countdown begins.

Dreams

Other peoples dreams are just never that interesting, but last night I dreamed of Florence. She was dressed in pretty clothes, asleep in a shoe box in a cupboard. I found her, and she was warm and breathing, so I thought I'd better bathe her and nurse her, and wondered how I could've neglected her for all this time.
Then she was gone again, and Woody said it was ok, he'd left her asleep on the windowsill next to the open bathroom window...
Later, she was a toddler on my hip and she called me Mummy, and I said "where's Daddy?", She pointed across at Woody and smiled.
I guess it's pretty clear what's going on in my head right now. x

All The Little Things

The small talk in the street.(and wondering, "have they really forgotten?")
The first stawberries from the garden.(that never quite make it into the house.)
The cheeky robins sitting on the swing.(Who sat there keeping me company last year when I was in labour)
The Boden summer sale.(and the dresses I didn't dare buy.)
The summer term inset day.(and being grateful for a day at home.)

All the little things are still the same, and she should be here.

Every kick and wriggle from baby boy reassures me for a moment, then I wonder, was it too hard, was it his last?
I don't trust my body anymore, I want him out, I want him in my arms and alive and safe, and there are no guarantees.

I think there is a good chance I might lose my mind completely in the coming days.

A Little Distraction

The other day while browsing Spoonflower, I spotted the upcoming contest for a cheaters quilt, infact it was just hours before the deadline to enter, and I had just a couple of days before designed a couple of cheaters quilts. I hastily updated my designs,and entered the contest...then began to worry. The standard of the Spoonflower contests is usually pretty high, and I knew my design probably wouldn't be quite fashionable enough to get many votes.
Well, now the contest is in full swing, and you can go vote for your favourites right here

You don't have to vote for me, unless you want to. I'll be happy so long as I get more than the one vote I gave myself! (I did vote for several others too!)