Poor me

6:52 pm

I have spent a lot of time recently feeling very sorry for myself, and really not liking myself very much. I really hate being ill, and after this past week of being in so much pain, of no energy and almost no sleep, it's time to admit I haven't exactly been coping very well with life.
I was diagnosed with gall stones in January after over a year of suffering and finally going to see my GP back in October. I apparently have multiple stones, some "impacted" in the bile duct which is swollen.
I have excluded any food with any taste or enjoyment from my diet in an attempt to control the painful gall stone attacks, that happen at least once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I constantly feel nauseous and tender, and my pain killers make me dizzy and spaced out...feeling sorry for me yet?
My usual coping strategy with illness is to ignore it and hope it goes away. I have a large family, and busy household to run, I am self employed at three different jobs, I work as a volunteer and I am studying part time at college. I simply don't have time to be ill.
This past week though, my body has told me in no uncertain terms that if I don't respect my illness, it'll take me down. I've spent most of the week lying under my favourite blanket, clutching a hot water bottle, spaced out on pain killers and crying.

There is some hope though, thankfully gall stones are easy to treat with removal of the gall bladder, and on Wednesday I saw the consultant at the local hospital about doing just that. I can't say he reassured me much, or at all really. I am very scared of surgery, and it didn't help that to get to the part of the hospital I needed to be in, we had to walk past the room our beautful Florence died in. Triggers are hard at the best of times, but when ill and scared, even harder.

So, why am I blabbing all this on my blog? I dunno really, I used to pour so much out on here, but the sewing came back, and that's good. I am sad that at the moment there is not as much sewing as I'd like, and that I'm behind sending my patient testers their copies of my newest pattern, behind on emails, and other projects I've promised people. So, if you are waiting for something from me, I'll get to it, I promise, it just might take me a little longer than usual.

On the bright side everyone I know who has had this surgery says it made a huge difference, so I'm looking forward to feeling well again, and to eating food I can enjoy again. (chips, curry and garlic bread are so far top of the list!)
Some days I'm well enough after an attack to do a little crochet too.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. I had mine removed and don't miss it one drop! It is crazy how sick it makes you! Good Luck!

  2. My mum had her gall bladder removed last year, after a year of being told the pain she was suffering was just after effects of her hysterectomy the year before. She literally has a new life now, before she became ill she wasn't "sporty" but always busy enjoyed walks etc, whilst ill she couldn't even make it through the day. Her surgery has definitely made her realise how poorly she was before and how much it was impacting on her energy levels. She was very very low before the surgery. Big hugs I hope you get a date through soon xxx

  3. Prayers and a hug for you. I hope that surgery date come around quickly. It is very hard being so unwell but all you can do is give your body time to rest and heal.

    Sending much love

    San xx

  4. I'm sorry you're feeling so ill and down, I love reading your blog, you provide me with lots of inspiration. I hope you manage to get sorted soon as I am sure you will feel miles better after surgery. Take the rest that you need x

  5. Oh Jeanette what a terrible time you are having, and sometimes you do have to stop, rest and just feel sorry for yourself. I hope the wait for the surgery is short. Have a virtual hug and take really good care. Xxx

  6. I hope you feel better soon! My mom just had her gall bladder out, and recovered *very* quickly. She can enjoy her favorite foods again and doesn't have any more attacks at all, and really spent very little down time, all in all. Good luck!

  7. I hope your surgery comes soon, once you have had it removed you won't look back - and think of the mountain of chips you will be able to eat! So sorry that you have to go back to the same hospital that you have such a sad association with, that must be so very hard. Sending healing thoughts your way.

  8. Sometimes you just need to have some down time for you. Cry as much as you need to and be kind to yourself, as you're going through some pretty tough stuff. You don't seem the type to wallow a whole lot, but maybe some wallowin' is what you need. As for the surgeon, any chance you can find another one? Perhaps someone who can be a little more human with you.

    And, when you come out of your funk, maybe you can even find a little humor in it. I have a friend and coworker who had to have his gall bladder removed. We had a going away party for it, I made a bundt cake (it just seemed like a good gall bladder shape) and frosted it green. We also added tongs because they seemed, well, surgical. We then sang Auld Lang Syne to his gallbladder -- "May old gallbladders be removed and never brought to mind..." It kind of fell apart from there.

    Sending good thoughts your way.

    1. Oh my goodness! I love the idea of a going away party for my gall bladder! Thank you for making me laugh. :)

  9. I had this procedure many years ago and it was a breeze. The worst bit was when the doctors did their rounds and asked ( in a penetrating tone) "and have you moved your bowels yet?". So indulge in what ever helps you to deal with the pain, it will soon be over. My big thing to look forward to was crumpets, so dripping in butter that I needed to lick my elbows, not easy.

  10. I'm sorry you're feeling so ill and sad. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long for the operation. Much love to you xxx

  11. Lots and lots of sympathy.

    I had my gallbladder removed 2 years ago after 5 years of suffering due to a stupid Doctor at Tameside A&E told me it was indigestion and sent me home (whilst also passing me a sick bowl, my clothes and pointing me towards the toilets.) I'm terrible at going to the Doctors, not down to fear, just not wanting to bother them. After 5 years the bouts of pain were increasing in frequency and intensity so I went to my GP who sent me for tests and it eventually came back as gallstones. I delayed having the surgery because my son was only young and I was still feeding him but knew looking after him after surgery would be hard, but not long after I had another trip to A&E via ambulance and they decided to operate.

    I have a latex allergy so I was first into theatre in the morning (a useful allergy). You have to have a drain in for 6 hours following the surgery, but as I was first on the list I had the drain removed and was home by tea time. By day 3 I had to drastically cut down the pain killers as I was bored, (the kids had gone to Grandparents) I felt fine and I wanted to do the gardening. Cutting down the painkillers reminded me I was meant to be taking it easy. After 2 weeks I could have gone back to work but as we were moving offices the Doctor signed me off for another week.
    Since then I've been fine, no more pain at all and I can eat anything at all.

    It seems like a major thing, but I had far more time off work due to the bouts of pain or being too drugged up on painkillers I had than I actually had off for the surgery.

    Good Luck. x

    1. Celeste that is all really helpful information. I am going in for surgery on Tuesday, I'm very scared, but I'm more scared of being ill for the rest of my life. x

  12. I haven't had the surgery but several of my friends have to great relief and success. I hope you get the operation really soon. Till then take care if yourself xx

  13. It sounds horrid to have this debilitating pain. Sending you lots of good wishes for the surgery and a speedy recovery x

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Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!