Poor me6:52 pm
I have spent a lot of time recently feeling very sorry for myself, and really not liking myself very much. I really hate being ill, and after this past week of being in so much pain, of no energy and almost no sleep, it's time to admit I haven't exactly been coping very well with life.
I was diagnosed with gall stones in January after over a year of suffering and finally going to see my GP back in October. I apparently have multiple stones, some "impacted" in the bile duct which is swollen.
I have excluded any food with any taste or enjoyment from my diet in an attempt to control the painful gall stone attacks, that happen at least once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I constantly feel nauseous and tender, and my pain killers make me dizzy and spaced out...feeling sorry for me yet?
My usual coping strategy with illness is to ignore it and hope it goes away. I have a large family, and busy household to run, I am self employed at three different jobs, I work as a volunteer and I am studying part time at college. I simply don't have time to be ill.
This past week though, my body has told me in no uncertain terms that if I don't respect my illness, it'll take me down. I've spent most of the week lying under my favourite blanket, clutching a hot water bottle, spaced out on pain killers and crying.
There is some hope though, thankfully gall stones are easy to treat with removal of the gall bladder, and on Wednesday I saw the consultant at the local hospital about doing just that. I can't say he reassured me much, or at all really. I am very scared of surgery, and it didn't help that to get to the part of the hospital I needed to be in, we had to walk past the room our beautful Florence died in. Triggers are hard at the best of times, but when ill and scared, even harder.
So, why am I blabbing all this on my blog? I dunno really, I used to pour so much out on here, but the sewing came back, and that's good. I am sad that at the moment there is not as much sewing as I'd like, and that I'm behind sending my patient testers their copies of my newest pattern, behind on emails, and other projects I've promised people. So, if you are waiting for something from me, I'll get to it, I promise, it just might take me a little longer than usual.
On the bright side everyone I know who has had this surgery says it made a huge difference, so I'm looking forward to feeling well again, and to eating food I can enjoy again. (chips, curry and garlic bread are so far top of the list!)
Some days I'm well enough after an attack to do a little crochet too.