Footprints

11:26 am


Florence footprints 2, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Maybe I'll write more later.



Ok, so it's later, and here I am.
This past week has been just awful, last evening by the time Woody came home from work I was in my pjs and in my bed. Every bit of me was aching, I was completely exhausted, mentally and physically.
The school runs are hellish, not because people are horrid, just the opposite, everyone is lovely. I've had hugs, kisses, and moral support from every angle. All of which I am truly grateful for.
I just hate being "that poor woman", I feel like I'm walking to school with an obvious raw and bloody open wound for all the world to see.
I did finally receive Florence's hand and footprints, (and a lock of her hair) from the coroner, and hated the way they had been cut out and framed. Today I re did them, though I was limited to what I could do with them due to the way they had been cut out.
No other news from the coroner though, no post mortem results and no date for the inquest.

I have been pondering about this blog and wondering if I should start a seperate blog for my Florence posts.
I don't think I want to. I feel like I shared so much of the preperations for Florence's birth here, that it would be weird to move her somewhere else. Plus, she is a part of me, and even when posting my craft projects, she's still here with me, so I'd like to keep her as part of this blog too.
What do you think?

Don't be shy, say hello!

25 comments

  1. Please do, Jeanette...
    Every time my mail programm says there's a new entry in Lazy Seamstress I can't decide to open it or not.
    I am still so so sad - I love the beautifully plain dress you made for Florence, so peaceful and yet so elaborate and with so much love in it. Beautiful composition. And still, every time I look at it, it makes me cry...
    Please keep writing, please do everything to help you cope with this destiny. I want to see happy pictures of you again some time...
    Sendung you my deep thoughts,
    Daria

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just beautiful Jeanette - and so precious.
    (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can't write much now, but please don't separate her off. I know we don't know each other, we just read these strange snippets of each others lives every now and again. But I can not imagine that cutting and pasting Florence into another space is really what you want. And as a reader, it's not what I want either. Of course, hearing about your loss is sad, but knowing that we can be a part of your healing, that sharing your process here can be helpful is all important. We are here with you for the journey...whatever path that takes. However, if you do decide that feels right, then do it and we'll be there too

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't think I hold much sway, but I say stay here. Like you say, this is your blog and Florence is part of you. She's part of the whole thing, not a separate chunk. If you keep blogging a while, Florence will become a thread that ebbs and flows throught the whole, rather than trying to separate her out for her blog and for this one. Just my thoughts though.

    Sorry to hear about the insensitive treatment of Florence's hand- and footprints. I'm sure your changes have brought them more in line with who she is.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jeanette, my friend sadly expereinced a simlar loss in May. She too found the school run hard at first but after a few weeks things settled down and now people simply say their usual hellos and things are as they were before at the school gates. She is relieved. Have you thought about scanning Florences prints into a computer and re-printing them to display as you choose ? you can of course keep the original ones safe. Again we did this for our friend as she was worried that something might happen to the original prints. I agree with the other comments here. I loved to follow your post about the things that you have made for Florence and she is a part of your family just like the other guys who your write about here, I think to write about her on another blog would be to seperate her out when she is clearly very much a part of you all. xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi hun,
    I say stay here too. A Blog is like a diary to many of us - we spill our heart and soul some days, and share frivolities on other days. Listen to your heart and if it says stay here then do.

    Sending you all love from my family - strangers I know, but one mother's heart feels another mother's pain xxx Remember I live a stone's throw away if you need an ear/shoulder - but I'm sure you have that with your IRL friends already xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with what everyone else has said ... we don't know eachother and I've only fairly recently been following your blog but I think of you and Florence everyday. Just silly little things and I wonder how things are with you ... sounds daft maybe I'm not sure, Blogland is a strange place. We know people and care for them and yet do not know them at all.

    Please keep Florence here where she belongs, with you, with your life ... unless it feels wrong to do so of course and then go with what you think you should do. But, I think you already know in your heart what's right.

    I won't write any more now, don't want to leave a huge long comment but please know there are so many people out here sending healing thoughts to you and your precious family.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jeanette thank you for sharing with us. I cry every time but I wouldn't want to stop reading. It's such a short time since you lost your gorgeous girl that it'll take you a while to work out where you're going. I check the blog daily (at least) to see if there's news of how you're doing. The fact that you get out of your pajamas at all shows how strong you are.

    H xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jeanette you are still in my thoughts. I have no idea how you have got through the weeks since you lost your beautiful little girl, my heart aches for the pain you must be feeling. Be kind to yourself.

    Catherine xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you for sharing, please keep talking about her. I have been up all night crying because my baby girl(18years old)has left for university and you have made me so thankful for the wonderful years I have had with her. I miscarried my last baby 9 years ago and was focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Keep her here with us hun :o)
    This is where your friends have journeyed with you and as you say, she's part of your journey and continuing to share here must be the most appropriate option XX

    re the Prints, could you keep your originals somewhere safe and scan or photocopy them so you can display them in a way you'd be more happy with?

    Take care m'dear. XXX

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jeanette,
    (excuse me for saying this but I'm going to because I care very much)

    Please keep Florence here. She is so very much a part of you and your life. It almost seems like to put her in another blog would be to break things even more. Even in time - and heck I'm not sure how much time if all the time in the world - your life will always contain her. So should your blog.

    With much love to you and prayers for the strength for one day at a time,

    Leah
    (Slingmad/knittingVicar)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Please keep your posts about Florence here. She is part of you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love to hear of your family outings and goings on, and Florence is part of that.
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes, please keep her - she belongs to you, to your family and to your blog.
    She won't get lost in here - but if you put her somewhere else...I don't know, no...keep her here.

    And well, you ARE a woman with a deep and fresh cut wound, aren't you? Don't people have reason to feel sympathetic for you? What else would help you more than that. What would you expect people to do or help you? Just be there and treat you as if nothing had happened? They's probably feel rude and un-caring (what's the word for that?)...

    You said, there was no post mortem results from the coroner. Does that mean, you don't know the reason for her death (yet)?

    Daria

    ReplyDelete
  16. keep Florence here, she's part of you and your family Jeanette. Thinking of you xxx Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think a blog is very much an evolving thing - lots of people start one intending to write about one thing, and then find over time that you start writing about other things too. You may have started this blog as a crafty blog, but right now maybe it serves better as a diary. Let it be a diary and let Florence be part of that, just as she is a part of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Youve updated from when I first posted.
    Like so many mamas here I have followed your journey in waiting for Florence and the shock of her leaving so soon. I could never tire of hearing about her & the affect her being here had in you all, but you must do what you must. She is a part of your family & for me she belongs here.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and Florence. Your thoughts and memories are incredibly precious. Sending love your way!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Have to tell you very clearly that you writing 'that poor woman' in your message really threw me. It made me realise that is the LAST kind of thought I have been having about you. I think only emotionally stunted people (not meant as an insult) would think that about you (or anyone else in your situation). I have two friends who also lost their precious babies and I NEVER ONCE thought of them in those terms. Be VERY CLEAR here - you are amazing (because you are getting out of bed and taking the children to school); you are a warrior (because though you don't want to do anything, you are); you are powerful (because you have found the piece inside you to move each step forward in your days). I have great sorrow for you, yes. But pity? Feel sorry for you? Absolutely and completely NOT. Ashela xxx

    ReplyDelete
  21. Jeanette,
    Your blog touches on all the many parts of your life. Your Family, your passion for creativity and the world we live in. Your wonderful children are a part of that, and all five of them are equally as important and loved. Each one is an individual and special in their own way, but I don't need to tell you that! Florence was with you for a much too brief time, but she touched your life and those of your family and friends, and to deny that or hide it would not be good.

    Please don't feel that people pity you. I admire your strength for being able to carry on, but I grieve for your loss, as any mother would. Just thinking of Florence brings tears to my eyes and a pain to my chest.

    This is your blog, a peak into your world, and as time goes by Florence will flit in and out. Sometimes I am sure her presence will be strong, persistent and a little overwhelming, but as time goes on she will settle into the tapestry that is your life. For as long as writing about her feels like the right thing to do, you should stick to it!

    Love and Hugs
    Julie
    xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  22. Jeanette, I just wanted you to know that I still think of you and your family (especially beautiful Florence) almost everyday. Alissa

    ReplyDelete
  23. keep all your lovely posts about Florence right here she's part of who you are, and we want to share it all with you. My thoughts are still with you x x x

    ReplyDelete
  24. I Have just spent a long time reading about your beautiful Florence. My daughter Grace was stillborn at term nearly eight years ago and your posts have bought so much of the emotion back. Although things will never be the same, eventually you get used to your new reality and I promise you will laugh and smile again. I though I would also let you know that www.smallp.co.uk can copy Florences hand and foot prints and make them into impressions on a silver pendant. My hubby and i both have a pendant on our necklaces and wear it constantly. Sending you much love.xx

    ReplyDelete

Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!