The Secret Garden Meeting September

3:29 pm

I found this website a few weeks ago, and this month I decided to join in. (Click on the link above to learn more.)

What has helped you through out this new life the most. Is it your family? your faith? Support groups? A ritual? Music? Physical activity? A new interest? It could be anything. Tell us about how whatever it is has helped you. Please feel free to share photo's,videos, websites, support group information and so on.

I'm not sure how to answer this.Everything is still so fresh, we are just beginning to work out how our new normal is going to be.

The support of family and friends has been invaluable. Friends that will sit with me at my kitchen table, drink tea and let me waffle on, and cry. Friends that will send me emails, (and texts) and not get upset when I haven't the strength to reply.Friends far and near,who I know are willing me on.

Then, of course there are my older children. They, and Woody are the reason I get up every morning and fight through every day.They are the joy in my life, and I find my heart bursting with love one moment and ripped out with pain the next.

As for rituals, well we go to Florence's grave a lot. I like to keep it looking pretty. We light candles there for her and leave her fresh flowers, roses are a favourite.
We also light candles at home.

Sid has little rituals, he likes to "read" Florence's memory book, and he likes to name all the family members on a glass necklace I wear in the shape of a hugging family of seven...the littlest member is violet coloured, that's Florence.
I love Sid's four year old "matter of fact" way of talking about Florence, we grown ups could learn a lot from him.

The children have all also already decided that we will have chocolate birthday cake every year on Florence's birthday. That's of course a long way off yet,but it's important to them.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. I am here from The Secret Garden meeting. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet Florence. I hope you are able to find some comfort through this community. xx

  2. Jeanette, thank for your comment on my blog, I want to say that I'm glad you liked it, but 'glad' is not quite the right word to use for mamas like us.

    I'm so sorry to read about little Florence. It's heartbreakingly sad. I remember those first months after we lost Iris so vividly; how raw I felt.

    Your family sounds amazing, I love that you're finding such thoughtful and beautiful ways for you to honour Florence. Sid's reaction is so familiar to me as Ava, my eldest, is just like that.

    I hope you don't mind that I'm going to return the favour and read your archives now (not in weird way either!)

    I'd like to echo Tina and say that I hope you find the babylost blogging community to be a support. I am profoundly grateful for the reading and writing in this little corner of the internet.

    With love, Jess x

  3. I am sorry for your loss. Florence is such a beautiful name, I love it. =) I am glad you shared in the Secret Garden Meeting this month. Those friends are truly a treasure who will listen to you and be there for you. I want to let you know that I do Hope Collages for babylost parents. They are a memorial for our babies who have left this earth too soon. You can see more at

    I started doing this in honor of my firstborn who visited us for 13 days and left this earth May/09. Love to the sky!


  4. Children really are remarkable when it comes to handling very painful situations, they often have wisdom and knowledge far beyond their years.
    May these daily rituals continue to carry you through each day moment by moment.
    With love and continued prayers
    San x

  5. Don't you love the way children view the world?
    Chocolate cake sounds like a splendid idea :-)

  6. I am sorry for your recent loss of Florence and I am sending you a (((hug))). Having the support of family and friends is important and it hurts to hear of families being abandoned during the toughest time in their lives. I am glad you have felt support. Having my daughter has gotten me through rough times. It's hard to be sad around her for she is so bubbly and cute and her happiness rubs off.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss of baby Florence. I hope that in The Secret Garden Meeting you can find support in addition to the support you already have. The logic of children has always astounded me as well :)

  8. Although my losses were not the same I did find huge comfort in the other mamas who understood in forums and websites (particularly the Angelbabies one).
    A local friend buys a little decoration each Christmas for her Angel (she was a twin - the other survived 16 years ago) and it is hung on the tree - so now she has quite a large collection and they make her smile.

  9. My other children were one of the strongest things to get me through too. I had to get up and function for them every morning.

  10. "I love Sid's four year old "matter of fact" way of talking about Florence, we grown ups could learn a lot from him."

    My son is also four and I often think the same thing. :)

    So sorry for the loss of Florence.

  11. Jeannette--I am so sorry for your sweet Florence. Your birht story sounds so amazing and so exciting. You sound like an amazing woman. To go through all that and then wonder where everything went wrong and how you have to find your "new normal" is so seemingly wrong. I hope sharing your story helps you and know that your words do help others. Just to know that this awful journey is not something to go alone.
    thinking of you...

  12. I am so sorry for your loss!! I'm glad that you have found blogs on loss and the Secret Garden Meeting. A big part of my healing was knowing that I wasn't alone in my grief- Living with a broken heart is something that you learn more and more about each day as there is no escaping it. But to have friends and family by your side is so very important! Thinking of you!

  13. Anonymous3:08 am

    How seet that your children have picked a bday cake. I am with you one the feeling of everything being so fresh. It is hard to find a new normal. It is a ritual for us to go to our daughters grave at least once a week. I love our visits there. I will pray for you and your family through your struggle.

  14. I am so sorry that you are so early on in your journey through loss, the first months are the hardest. It will get a little easier as time goes on. I know what you mean about wanting to go to the cemetery. I lost my daughter last year and have been going for daily visits to feel closer to her. I like the idea of bringing candles up there. Thank you for sharing and I am sorry foryour loss.

  15. Go for chocolate! Teach the kids there is nothing better than chocolate! For natural skin whitening check out this site here. Nice post :)


Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!