Drained and left wondering

10:34 am

I've had a letter from my doctor, written before she'd have received my letter. Written in fact on the same day of my appointment. It would appear she agrees with the counsellor, judging by this line:

"Obviously our counsellors are unable to see you beneficially while you have your baby with you..."

Hmm, I'm not sure how it's obvious?

This whole experience has left me drained, with a sick feeling in my guts that I can't shake.I actually feel worse now than when I first went to see my doctor.

I'm not sure what to do now, I can't face going back to that surgery, after only just starting to feel like I could again.
I know I couldn't face another counselling session with anyone else.
I think maybe I just need to keep Florence safe inside my heart and be much more careful with her in future.

Woody thinks I may still get an apology from my doctor, I'm not holding my breath.


It would seem Woody's optimism of an apology was not so foolish. I've received another letter this morning, restoring some lost faith in my gp, though none whatsoever in the counselling on offer.
Apparently the counsellor's supervisor has advised that "...because of the nature of the counselling, a baby being present...wasn't appropriate."

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. I hate to sound so negative, but they do tend to stick together, unless a huge obvious mistake has been made, an even then they try and cover up. Maybe you need a new GP.

  2. Yeah,I think you are right. The letter I've received is very much a "cover their asses" type letter.
    I'm looking into other surgeries...

  3. I just don't see how it's more beneficial to leave baby at home. Of benefit to whom? I used to feel anxious without mine well past their 1st birthdays. And after that leaving them was for short times only and MY CHOICE. Surely it's the recipient of the counselling who is the best judge of what works? Counselling can't be effective if your mind os half on what's going on with your baby at home. It should be the mother's choice whether to go with her baby or not. If only the whole world had our philosophy to motherhood Jeanette. Hugs.

  4. if you can afford it would you consider going private and shopping around for someone who understands and accepts that Ernest will be with you? x

  5. I'm just so cross about this Jeanette - I can't beleive that this person can be so thoughtless. You've asked for help regarding the loss of a child and they don't want you to have yout baby with you - I can appreciate a toddler might disrupt the sessions, but as you said, E will sleep/feed quite happily.
    Hope you find a new surgery (that can take a pushcair!!) and find a counsellor thatn can rebuild your trust.
    (((hugs))) L xx

  6. Same feelings as everyone who has commented. So sorry you have not got the support you need from your current surgery. I hope you find the energy to pursue another counselling road. I am sure there is something/somebody out there that will listen and be able to help. Hugs.

  7. Hope you manage to find somewhere much more supportive. For sure that counsellor should not even be in that job!

    Hugs San x

  8. It is so confusing as to what you are supposed to do when you are seeking help for PPD or just depression as a stay-at-home mother. Hire a sitter? When some of your issues are finding time to manage getting help? What is most important here--procedure or people? In my humble opinion, it is absolutely disgraceful. Honestly, I think many places here would be the same. I hope it doesn't dissuade you from seeking help. Sending love, Jeanette.

  9. Bunch of numpty's. Sorry they are being such jobworth. I hope you do get the support you need even if it's not from them ((()))

  10. I think the opposite. With the nature of this counselling it IS more beneficial to have your baby there. Maybe not for everyone, but certainly for you and me. I wish they would listen to you and your needs.

  11. Whatever HELPS YOU (emphasis at THEM, not you) is what is "appropriate." Being cold and judgemental and rigid ... is so antithetical to reaching out to someone in a state like depression, I am just gobsmacked by the behavior. If it really did turn out to be a bad idea ... for whatever reason ... to have the baby in sessions with you, she at least could have been flexible enough to work with you until a solution could be found rather than turning you out with attitude. AND she could have explained it to you gently over time and as though you were a fellow respected adult ... giving you thoughtful and considered reasoning (which you PAY her for, for bleep's sake) so you could have a meeting of the minds instead of feeling like you were scolded and put down and un-cared for (rules, rules, rules). GAH!! I am so, so sorry this happened to you. The last thing you need in a counsellor is an inflexible bureaucrat who clearly has NO useful concept of depression on any kind of empathetic level.

  12. this makes me so sad. and mad. it really goes to how the world profoundly misunderstands the experience of babyloss. of course you need to have ernest with you now. of course he won't disrupt your work with the counselor. of course - how can they be so stupid? but you know what, even if you had not lost florence, and you were seeking help for post-partum depression or some other reason, they should still respect your right to have your baby with you. that is your parenting choice, and they should honor it and not deny you (or any woman) care on account of it. glad you are looking into help elsewhere - please don't give up on the possibility of help, even though these people are being jackasses. xo

  13. I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Florence and exceptionally sorry that you have been treated like this, I would imagine the counsellor doesn't have much experience with people who have lost a child.

    I have done a bit of research at work and have a couple of suggestions for you, I saw your email address is listed but when I click on it a message says it isn't installed. Would you feel comfortable either giving me your email address or emailing me via my blog?

  14. This must be so frustrating. It does seem that both your counsellor and GP are putting rules and procedure before caring for you. Glad to hear you are looking at other surgeries - and hoping you find someone with a better understanding of your needs.

  15. Change your doctor. Change practices - it's easily done. I had depression that was triggered off by a mmc in March 2006. Despite being painfully honest to 1 HV, 2 MWs and THREE doctors, it wasn't picked up, let alone treated. I changed docs and my lovely new one took me seriously.

    What have you been using to cope so far? Carry on using it. Is there someone that you know that you can talk to? I found talking to a friend with depression has helped both of us at different times. Finally, don't give up on counselling, but be open to meds if you need to wait for the right person. You've made the first step. I hope that you can find the right person to hold you hand as you walk the difficult path to recovery ahead.

  16. Oh Jeanette ... word fail me. Surely, it's YOUR counselling and therefore your call as to what is appropriate and right for you.

  17. Oh how I wish that medical staff would not presume to know what is best for you on a psychological level.. 'having a baby present not appropriate for circumstances'? How on earth would they know what is appropriate for your healing.. unless they zipped their lips for a few sessions and actually listened to what you are saying.. all while allowing Ernest to be exactly where he needs to be as well.
    So sorry Jeanette...

  18. I am just not sure what, exactly, they think would be so incredibly inappropriate about having Ernest there?? Ridiculous. I hope you're able to find other professionals who are willing to be helpful.


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