Catching Up8:41 am
We've been in Scotland for the past five days. We stayed in a cabin on the shores of Loch Lubnaig.
We almost had to cancel our trip after Woody, the boys and myself all came down with a violent stomach bug on Saturday night. We were fit to travel by Monday morning though, and with fingers crossed that the girls had escaped the bug we headed off.
I had a few little wobbles about being so far away from home, and more specifically away from my local hospital, my consultant and my midwife, and a bigger wobble when on Tuesday morning I blacked out for a second in the car. I'm certain it was only the remains of the bug plus a little low blood pressure. It didn't happen again.
Despite my wobbles and slight worries, it was good to get away. Of course I always feel I've abandoned Florence.
I bought lots of trinkets to decorate her grave, souvenirs from a holiday she could never go on. I'll take them to her today.
I also bought a little tweed rabbit for baby boy. I fell in love with tweed while away and have a million ideas in my head for a winter wardrobe and a few other things all made from beautiful tweed. I'm always relieved to know I can still be inspired, sometimes I think my brain is so weary from grief and from pregnancy after loss that there is no room left for creativity, but I have a page in one of my notebooks full of "Scottish inspiration" , and perhaps even some plans to keep me busy over the next few weeks until baby boy arrives...and he's going to arrive, and I have to, and I do believe he's going to be well, especially since I've just sent Woody off to collect a stupidly expensive,but beautiful pram to push him around in. (I was brave and talked prams over the phone with a salesman, and didn't cry even when he suggested I pay a deposit for it now and collect it after the baby was born...maybe he has experience of dead baby returns...who knows.)