Names
6:51 amAll of my children have had a name ready for when they were born. Sometimes, they've had a name even when I've only been a few weeks pregnant. Florence was Florence Violet from around 10 weeks, when I had a half awake dream in the early hours of the morning and knew her name.
(I guess it goes without saying that my instincts on gender have always been right too.)
Baby boy does have a name, actually he has a choice of two, but there is a clear winner in my mind, and I usually (always) get my own way!
Naming a baby is always difficult, but I find way more difficult when so many names I know and love belong to the precious babies of the babylost community.
I will hear a birth announcement, and hear one of those special names, and I feel a stab in my heart, and I try not to let it show on my face.
Recently I have heard of two new baby girls called Florence, and a Violet too. One of those Florence's is local, local enough that I might hear her Mummy call her name in a supermarket. Unless you are reading this as a babylost parent, I can't expect you to understand just how that hurts.
Of course, I can't expect the world to stop naming their babies just incase it makes mine or any other babylost parents heart skip a beat, and tears sting their eyes when they hear it. Like everything else that's a poignant reminder, it doesn't make us any sadder, it can't.
Maybe, over time I will hear of a new baby girl, Florence and I will smile and remember my baby girl too, and I will say "What a beautiful name, congratulations", and nothing more...maybe. x
5 comments
I think for very obvious reasons (!!) we have very similar taste in names. I have seen a few Florences in the birth notices here in Melbourne of late and Violets as well. I love the name Violet and it would possibly be on the list if I was lucky enough to have another girl. I too know of a Violet just born in this community, a rainbow baby to another blogger friend of mine.
ReplyDeleteNames are funny for me, as I had Hope's name picked out from before she was even thought of (if she was a girl) but when I found out she died, I immediately thought "well I can't use that name". And part of me still has great regret about that (for the record, it was Lily Joy). I don't know if I'll ever be able to use that name again now, as it is just so linked to Hope and the little girl I thought I was going to get. The little girl who lived. We never decided on a name for Angus until about 10 mins after he was born. Picking anything earlier than that seemed like tempting fate. About a week before he was born, we'd narrowed it down to Angus or Charlie, but when we saw him he was just an Angus. Absolutely an Angus.
Thinking of you and baby boy, whatever his name might be. I know of the sting in the heart when it comes to babyloss and names.
Sorry for rambling!
We picked names for all of our girls, groups of names and specific ones for the middle two, with no trouble.
ReplyDeleteFreddie's name we just couldn't choose and for the only time in my pragmatic husbands life, he said "I don't want to pick one and tempt fate" - we had discarded Freddie as a name, which I loved, as Max felt that it was a name he could imagine for a baby but not for an adult.
I've thought about that a lot. It didn't seem to matter in those SCBU days when we thought he might live, I don't think we remembered saying it. We asked him his name and he made a funny move and so we called him that.
Other Freddie's hurt a good bit, actually there is another name that hurts more for me, from long ago. Perhaps it is because I did at least get to talk to him as Freddie for a while.
More hugs.
my heart breaks...
ReplyDeleteWe've had names picked out before ours were born but were not sure until we saw that the name fitted the child. I loved Cicily ... but Brynn was certainly not a Cicily.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say .. with the emotions that go with recently having had Tobias .. the very powerful tug that I feel with him that isn't so strong with my older one and the immense feeling of wanting to protect him I do know that the way I felt being without him for 2 hours when he was 3 months old was enough to drive me to tears. That the feeling of having that bond split by distance. A distance I could recover was enough to wreck me temporarily ... so that sense of the world being wrong because I was not with him was a pinpric. So I know I cannot comprehend an ocean of the feeling of a babyloss mother. And a distance that will never be covered. But my heart does ache for you ... that it can do.
I hope that came out right.
Shealyn had her name years befor I even got pregnant. ANd I have names picked out if and when I ever get pregnant again. I started going to school and one of my classmates is named Shealyn but spelled Shelynn....So I know the feeling. Hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late post I'm really behind in my reading.
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