3:50 pm

, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Ernest is very almost back to his birthweight, so my midwife has just said goodbye. I gave her a little gift but told her not to open it until she got home because I might cry.
She lives close by, I'm bound to see her around and about and I've told her she's always welcome for a cuppa, but I'm going to miss her.
She is always going to be a very special person to our family, she knew Florence, she caught her with Woody and she held her in the ambulance, stayed with me at the hospital, and has been a wonderful support to us over the past year.
She has held my hand through difficult appointments, and had her hands squeezed to mush through some horrible examinations. She's been a shoulder to cry on, and someone I've never had to explain too much to, she just knows.
I'm lucky to have had her help me birth two of my beautiful children.

I've been thinking a lot about goodbyes. A year ago yesterday we went to the funeral home to say goodbye to Florence.I remember so vividly how she looked, and how cold her little hands were, and how I wanted to scoop her up and run away with her.

Tomorrow it will be a year since her funeral. I hope the sun shines tomorrow like it did last year.We miss her so much.

I just wish I could have Florence here with Ernest, but I could never have both.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. Great big engulfing hugs heading your way m'dear.

    E looks better and I LOVE LOVE LOVE what he's wearing :o)

    Much love Tracy M

  2. Lots of hugs for tomorrow.
    Good news to hear Ernest is gaining weight, hoping you can put the pump away soon.

  3. Wishing for a sunny and peaceful day for you tomorrow. xx

  4. I Will be thinking of you tomorrow and Florence.

  5. I've been thinking of you Jeanette. So glad Ernest is gaining weight, it must be a huge relief. He is absolutely gorgeous ;)

    I hope the sun shines for you all tomorrow too.

    S xxx

  6. Thinking of you for tomorrow ((hugs))

  7. Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

  8. Lots of love to you today. It is impossible sometimes to think about a world where we could have both our babies like that. I know without Hope, there'd be no Angus. Still, I want them both. I don't think we're being too greedy.

  9. (((Jeanette)))

    I don't know you well enough to come and engulf you in a massive hug, but if I did I would. I think you do have people round you that will be doing that anyway, or at least I hope so.

    You, Florence and Ernest are on my mind a lot (as well as the whole family, but I hope YKWIM).

    Take care and much love.

  10. Thinking of you all, virtual hugs coming over((((()))))
    So glad Ernest is gaining weight, he looks super cute in that outfit.
    Heres hoping the universe cuts you some slack now, you deserve it.
    Sunny vibes for tomorrow.

  11. Tears and hugs, I so wish Florence was there with you too. I hope the sun peeks out from behind the clouds today XXX glad Ernest is gaining weight :-)

  12. Ernest looks like he's coming on a treat. I'll be hoping for sunshine for your precious girl x

  13. Sad for you yet glad that Ernest is improving with the weight issues.
    Big hugs as always
    San xx

  14. The sun peeked out for you today. I was glad it did. Good news about Ernest's weight xx

  15. It such a hard thing to come to terms with mentally - not having the one who came after if the one we lost had lived. I don't go there ... just too hard.

    I hope Florence's funeral day passed gently for you. I remember Emma's being hard.

  16. ((((((hugs)))))) Jeanette, I'm so glad Ernest is doing better.

  17. you will not always feel sad believe me.its early days for you.
    the child i had after my loss is now 34 and he has all his life been very special to me even though i have other children.
    your ernest is just gorgeous by the way.


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