Nine In Nine Out

9:53 am

Florence would be nine months old today, somehow that feels significant, and according to the work of anthropologist Ashley Montagu certainly is, at least for a living baby.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking "Oh that would look so cute on Florence", when I see outfits made by other bloggers, or when I'm browsing patterns. It's only a second or two, and then I remember.

There are times when I still can't quite believe what happened.

There are also times when I hear stories of child neglect and abuse, and I wonder why? Why did my much loved baby die?

How has nine months gone by? How am I still here, still functioning?

There are those moments of clarity when I realise forever is forever.x

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. Nine months seems to hit us all hard. It did to me last year, too. It was also Mother's Day the same week and the end of my first trimester with Angus. Big fucking week, let me tell you!
    I am thinking of Florence today, nine months on, and just wishing like mad she was here to wear those cute outfits...

  2. I am approaching the nine month mark myself. I feel the same way and at times cannot believe what happened and I always wonder why. Thinking of your sweet Florence today! xo

  3. this is hard milestone i imagine. i am not there yet, but it is certainly coming.thinking of ou and your sweet baby girl

  4. i just read 'living baby' , very beautiful way to bring up children. forever is indeed a very long time, i already find that nearly 3 months is far too long to be without harvey, i can't imagine how difficult 9 months is. it seems the further away we get from the day they died, the more amazed we are at what actually happened and the sadder we get about missing them. the more life we live, the more we feel they miss out on. its a terrible state to be in it really is xxx hugs, anne

  5. Thinking of you and your beautiful little Florence today. Sending love.

  6. I too can't believe it is real sometimes. I too have those brief moments when it isn't real, but unfortunately I always snap back to reality. I too don't understand how our babies were taken from us, yet other people get to keep theirs and then do them all doesn't make sense to me. Thinking of you and your sweet Florence. xx

  7. Thinking of you and Florence xxx

  8. I still have those moments of utter disbelief. And forever is such a very, very long time.

    Thinking of you and Florence today. Nine months is peculiarly painful I think. xo

  9. Oh Jeanette. (((hugs)))

  10. Thinking of you and Florence xxx

  11. I don't really know how you're "doing it" keeping going either. I think with any trauma you just keep on keeping on, and then at some stage you come to a point where you're looking back on it. You are still in the thick of everything, after a massive massive trauma. Those moments of clarity must be so painful ;(
    ((((hugs))) and thinking of sweet Florence and of you, hopefully without heartburn.

  12. ugh. the forever is forever feels so heavy on my heart when I say it, so I know it must feel equally heavy on yours. I, and so many, are here remembering that beautiful child forever with you. Florence is never forgotten. I remember how strange nine months felt for me. Strange and painful and wrong. Praying for peace in your heart.

  13. Oh honey I have those too, the moments when you realize "forever is forever", and it's just crushing. And btw, I think you should buy the pram, it was therapeutic for me to buy a changing table though I have never had a need for one before. Have you thought about buying a fabulous wrap just for baby boy? I'm a wrap addict myself, busy building my Didymos stash...
    love to you


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