Ernest Loves His Music Box

3:59 pm

, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

Twenty one years ago almost to the day I moved up north and started college in a town I'd only heard of a week earlier. I thought Stockport might be by the sea, but checking on the map told me otherwise.
My first day at college and the first person I met was Jo. I'd started the course later than everyone else, friendships had already been formed, and everyone was already working on their first project.
Jo nervously showed me her sketchbook and talked me through the brief to design blown vinyl wallpaper. I think at that point we both wondered what the hell we were doing at art college designing something so bloody awful.
I knew immediately that Jo and I were going to be friends forever.
Jo, now lives far far away, I only see her, her hubby and her gorgeous little girl once a year, and this year she got to meet Ernest. This music box was a gift from Jo, and Ernest loves it.

Ernest and I are very popular lately. We have visitors most days. I think everyone is just so relieved he's here safe. I guess things will settle down soon. At least having lots of visitors stops me just sitting and thinking...not that Ernest gives me huge amounts of thinking time. Sometimes, even the "dead baby dead baby dead baby" monologue stops for a while when I'm having tea with friends, sometimes the "failed breastfeeding" monolgue briefly pushes out the "dead baby " one.

I'm running out of words lately. I have so much to say,but I can't form any of my thoughts into anything coherant. No words I can conjure up seem to do Florence or Ernest, or my parenting of them both alongside the big ones any justice.

There is a lady who lives on my road , we would say good morning when she walked her dog and I walked the children to school. Last year shortly after Florence was born, I was leaving the house and she shouted over to ask about the baby. I had to tell her Florence had died.She went quiet and said "it happened to me". I could see she was very upset.
Later that day she brought me a huge bunch of sunflowers and told me I could talk to her any time. Her first daughter died 22 years ago.
I saw her the other day, and she admired Ernest. She said "it does make it easier doesn't it?" and I thought for a moment. It does, of course it does. It would be so much worse without him,but I miss her, I ache for her.

And really, that might be all there is to be said.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. Hugs, mama. I cant imagine the pain, but i am certain you are doing better than you think in parenting E and the rest of your crew. And man! What a wee sweetie! He's really growing!

  2. Such complex feelings for you Jeanette, I'm not surprised you find it hard to articulate.
    Big Hugs xxx

  3. It does make it easier, of course. But it still hurts so much. Every day.

  4. I agree, its just that way. huge hugs, m

  5. Of course you still miss your sweet Florence.

    I know that there might not be the words to describe but when I think of you and Florence and Ernest and your big ones and that simultaneously parenting of all of them, I am awestruck. xo

  6. It makes it easier but I don't think it ever becomes easy.


  7. Không gian làm việc cũng là một yếu tố đánh giá đến năng lực làm việc của bạn, bạn chắc chắn sẽ đánh giá cao (và hưởng lợi ích) khi có không gian làm việc có phong thủy tốt, sở hữu dòng chảy năng lượng năng động và thành công. Dưới đây là một số ý tưởng việc đặt bàn làm việc cao cấp để hoàn thiện nơi làm việc sao cho thuận phong thủy, nhanh chóng đạt được thành công hơn.
    1. Văn phòng tại gia càng xa phòng ngủ càng tốt. Nếu có điều kiện nên tách riêng phòng làm việc với một lối đi riêng bên ngoài.
    2. Vị trí ngồi nên tạo thành đường thẳng trực tiếp với cửa vì bạn có thể nhận phải nguồn năng lượng tiêu cực. Bạn nên chuyển ghế ngồi của bạn sang vị trí khác để tránh năng lượng tiêu cực đi qua cơ thể. Nếu lưng của bạn buộc phải quay về phía cửa khi ngồi vào bàn văn phòng giá rẻ tphcm , bạn có thể giảm bớt ảnh hưởng tiêu cực bằng cách nhìn thấy hình ảnh phản chiếu của cửa. Hãy treo gương hoặc bất kỳ đồ vật phản chiếu nào xung quanh bàn làm việc để tạo tương phản.
    Và bàn làm việc và mẫu ghế văn phòng cần phải có sụ hài hòa với nhau để tạo nên địa điểm nơi làm việc để giúp cho nhân viên không gian địa điểm làm việc tốt nhất. Nên nhớ ghế không được cáo hoặc thấp hơn bạn làm việc sẽ tạo không thoải mái cho nhân viên gây vấn đề về cột sống.


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