No Yoga Today

12:26 pm

The sun is shining, it's a lovely bright unseasonably warm Autumn day, but with that crisp chill in the air. Ernest napped this morning while I pegged out the washing and cried.Sometimes,crying has to fit in around everything else.
Today should be yoga day, but I changed my plans at the last minute and had lunch with Woody's Mum instead.

Life around here is a hard slog most days. The entire family's routine revolves around my pumping schedule. I long for Ernest to be breastfeeding properly, and haven't given up all hope yet. Although I'm all too well aware that we may never have the breastfeeding relationship I enjoyed with the older children. Something I'm probably going to take a very long time to truly accept.

Maybe it's the tiredness, or maybe the hormones, but mostly lately I'm pretty sick of myself.I'm sick of being sad,of the constant drone in my head of how "it's just not fair".

I'm surprised I have any friends left. I'm not a good friend to anyone anymore.

India took a photo of me at the weekend, and I look tired, sad, maybe even defeated. I know there's not much fight left in me, maybe just enough, I hope so, what other choice is there?

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. You are a very good friend Jeanette. I'm lucky that I can count you as one of mine. xxxxxx

  2. Like Rachel said, you are a good friend (((hugs)))

  3. You are a very good friend to me :)

    And I'm so proud of you - I gave up expressing for Fran when she was 13 weeks - however good it was for her, a run-ragged, defeated mum was not good for her. I didn't know it then, having no experience, but it was completely the right decision.

    It would be incredibly hard to do now though - when my milk disappeared in SCBU, the thought of Freddie having formula was not good. But, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, not really.

    I hope you get through this okay. Willing you on.

  4. I'm proud to count you as my friend Jeanette. When can I come and have a cuppa? xxx

  5. i think you are doing amazingly well. However much you cry or how miserable you look, you are doing it, thats all that matters.

  6. You are a wonderful friend, a great sister in law and fabulous Mother! Don't let anyone, including yourself tell you otherwise!

  7. I think Autumn setting in and school starting has hit a few people.. it has me. And that's without everything you have had to cope with.
    And you have done amazingly well. And the most important thing is Ernest IS feeding and putting on weight. It is amazing that you are managing to express as you are. And that is commendable. I remember when Brynn decided at 6-7 months that a bottle was far preferable to me. I called help lines, I tried everything. Nothing worked. She just didn't want to wait for let down. There were many tears and failure feelings. In hind site I know I did the best I could and that it was her choice.
    You have done the best you can and it is not your failure, you are doing the best thing you can for Ernest!!!
    And if you lived closer I'de be honoured to have such a creative, talented amazing mother as friend.
    K.. gushing over.


Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!