No Yoga Today12:26 pm
The sun is shining, it's a lovely bright unseasonably warm Autumn day, but with that crisp chill in the air. Ernest napped this morning while I pegged out the washing and cried.Sometimes,crying has to fit in around everything else.
Today should be yoga day, but I changed my plans at the last minute and had lunch with Woody's Mum instead.
Life around here is a hard slog most days. The entire family's routine revolves around my pumping schedule. I long for Ernest to be breastfeeding properly, and haven't given up all hope yet. Although I'm all too well aware that we may never have the breastfeeding relationship I enjoyed with the older children. Something I'm probably going to take a very long time to truly accept.
Maybe it's the tiredness, or maybe the hormones, but mostly lately I'm pretty sick of myself.I'm sick of being sad,of the constant drone in my head of how "it's just not fair".
I'm surprised I have any friends left. I'm not a good friend to anyone anymore.
India took a photo of me at the weekend, and I look tired, sad, maybe even defeated. I know there's not much fight left in me, maybe just enough, I hope so, what other choice is there?