The Same But Different

8:56 am

This pregnancy is running two weeks behind Florence's, so I often find myself comparing the two. I guess I would've done that whenever we'd got pregnant again,but it seems more poignant at times.
Yesterday was Eden's birthday, and just like last year she asked to go to Pizza Express for her birthday dinner. Just like last year, we had the same table, I had nausea and ordered the most boring pizza I knew I could stomach.
Last year I sat there thinking that this year we'd have a baby at the table too. This year I sat and hoped we'd have a baby there next year.
Our waitress was blooming in pregnancy, and I envied her.

After confirming this pregnancy with a home test at 3am one Friday night eight or so weeks ago, I lay awake in bed making a mental list of everything I knew of that could go wrong in the next nine months, and believe me, when you read as many babyloss blogs as I do, that list is very very long.

I'm trying hard to take each day at a time. Florence's peadiatrician asked how many weeks I would be when the inquest date arrives, and I had no idea, I just hadn't considered that far ahead, and I still haven't.

Don't be shy, say hello!

16 comments

  1. Pregnancy after loss is a long and scary road, but we're all here to help you.
    xo

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  2. Try and keep holding onto the joy...easy for me to say and very hard for you to do.
    Am rooting for you and I say a prayer for you daily that all wii be well.
    Love and hugs as always
    San xx

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  3. Thinking of you every day!

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  4. when I was expecting nat after 3 losses (m/cs) I spent a lot of time on pregafterloss forums - but by about 20 weeks I had to wean myself off them as I found they were stressing me out too much - you might find yourself doing this a bit - and you shouldn't feel guilty. You know how much I am praying for you and sending you safe baby vibes xxxxx

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  5. I think of you often. xo

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  6. one day at a time, that's all you can do....hugs

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  7. Holding you in my thoughts as usual Jeanette and hoping along side you too. Sending so much love xxx

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  8. I ~so~ relate to the hope aspect - it's all we can hold onto. Little rainbow bean has a lot of people rooting for him/her.

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  9. Of course, it is impossible for you to not compare and worry about what is to come, that is normal Jeanette and it's hard to change it, just know there are so many people out there sending all their hopes and prayers to you, we'll be with you all the way. xxx

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  10. It is easy to let my mind think about ALL of the things that can go wrong, but I think we have to try and focus on the now and all the great things we currently have. It was really hard for me this time for the first oh...16 weeks, to know how many weeks I was or when my due date was. Now I am feeling more connected, and trying to stay focused on the positive! xx

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  11. One day at a time is all you can do. You must have such a crazy mix of emotions at the moment, take it easy on yourself *hugs* xxx

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  12. sending you hugs and prayers

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  13. I have been following your blog since you announces your pregnancy with Florence. I feel your joy and continue to cry with you in your pain. Your strength and fortitude continues to amaze me and give me strength. I pray that this pregnancy gives you more strength and helps to ease some of the pain. Florence will ALWAYS be with all of us, watch over us and gives us strength to continue without her.

    Liat (3tammuz on the TBW)

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  14. I'm sorry that all the things we normally take for granted are not that way anymore for you, I wish it could be so. It must be quite terrifying to be travelling this path.

    Suzanne x

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Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!