Almost One Year Ago (something of a ramble.)

10:40 am


Me and the kids, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

That's when this photo was taken. I was very probably *just* pregnant, but had absolutely no idea at all, and didn't until I was almost seven weeks pregnant.
A baby's heart is apparently fully formed by eight weeks gestation, so was Florence's fate already sealed when this picture was taken? Or maybe in the weeks that followed?
Florence would be three months old today, I guess it's time to stop counting in weeks. (thirteen and one day)
The early hours of this morning found me in our bathroom, door shut, trying to keep my crying from waking up Woody. He worked late last night, came home, baked bread and had to be out early this morning,he needed his sleep.
Next week we are going to Cornwall. It's half term hols, and I think walks on the beautiful Cornish coastline will be good for all of us.
I admit I'm anxious at the thought of being so far away from Florence's grave.
I do feel like I carry her with me always, I can almost feel her sleeping on my left shoulder, cheek tucked into my neck, head heavy, a golden light all around.
Going to her grave though, I feel calm, and like to take care of her space,it's all I can do for her. I can't bathe her, or dress her, or wear her, or feed her, but I can bring her roses, light her candle and make her grave pretty.
Aunty Hev will be popping in on her while we are gone, and we'll bring shells back from the beach. I wish it could be different.

Don't be shy, say hello!

8 comments

  1. I wish it could be different too.I hope your time in Cornwall is full of beauty and peace xxx

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  2. thinking of you Jeanette and hoping that you find some peace in Cornwall xxxxx

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  3. I wish you a nice stay in Cornwall, thinking of you, even if I don't comment on all your posts, I read them and my eyes well up with tears for your pain...

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  4. Oh me too. I wish it could be different.
    I hope you have a peaceful time in Cornwall xo

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  5. Have a lovely time in Cornwall. India and Eden look so beautiful!I love that gorgeous purple colour. You have a gift my dear. In fact I think you have many!

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  6. I feel so much pain just reading, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, gorgeous Jeanette.
    Have a lovely break in the fresh Cornish air. I'll keep a virtual eye on Florence this week from up north. Candles will be lit daily whilst you're away.I too wish it was different. It's just not fair. I still can't quite believe this has happened to you. xxxx

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  7. You are such a brave lady and I feel so strongly for you. My third baby is now just 8 months old and I think about you daily, Hope you are well and as I said you are so brave. xxxx

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  8. Feeling for you, Jeanette and hoping you have some lovely moments in Cornwall. It's nice to see your pic of you with your older four; I think our children would get on like a house on fire, eh?! Lots of creative energy. Thinking of you. I sometimes imagine how it would be to have George in my arms, here at this house. The way it was supposed to be. (((Hugs))) from BC.

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