Random Stuff

3:03 pm

I've been awake since 4am. I heard Woody going to the bathroom, and disturbed from a dream I was having about a range of beautiful children's dresses, including construction detail, I thought I should jump out of bed and draw some of those dresses. Woody talked me out of it.
Lying there, thinking though, and remembering each detail I realised actually some of the designs were a bit silly...though not all.


Today I drove my car! I drove to B&Q and bought some flowers, some for the front garden, and some for next to Florence's stone in our garden. I hate driving, my heart pounds, my palms sweat, and I just hate it. Woody drove home via a larger B&Q and we bought a new hoover. This one actually picks up thread off my Velcro like bedroom carpet, and it sucked out all the fluff from my overlocker in a few seconds, and on top of all that it has a smiley face, and a name!


The post arrived. Last week I finally filled in the form to receive Florence's death certificate. Sometimes I can do that stuff, and sometimes, like last week I find myself sobbing and trying hard not to let my tears stain the paper.The certificate arrived today. Our baby girl, a simple official form, her name, our names...she was real wasn't she? She did exist?
Why am I asking? I knew her, I knew her kicks and wriggles. I held her in my arms.
Now I'll file away this paper with all the others.


Just random stuff.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. Yay for the driving. It will get better, I promise. I was exactly the same when I started driving, I hated it SO much. But soon you'll be whizzing around hardly thinking about it!

    I had a love hate relationship with the paperwork. Love because it was all I had left, the only concrete proof of her existence. I'm sure I don't have to explain the hatred to you.

    Florence was real and very, very loved. I'm so sorry. xo

  2. Oh Jeanette. So tough. I'm so sorry. She's so much more than a piece of paper.

  3. LOL for dreaming about sewing! That's the kind of thing I do!

    Yay for driving! (is the hoover that good? I was thinking about getting one of those with a smiley face and a name ;-) )

    Florence was real and so very loved.


  4. "Sometimes I can do that stuff, and sometimes, like last week I find myself sobbing and trying hard not to let my tears stain the paper."

    This really resonates with me. Sending lots of love your way. She was so much more than a piece of paper. So very much more.


  5. Florence doesn't need a piece of paper for her to have existed. As Hope's Mama said.. she is so much more than that. xx


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