Five Months

7:38 am

Florence would be five months old today. Old enough to enjoy the twinkly Christmas lights, and old enough to have fun with wrapping paper, maybe not quite old enough to enjoy the snow.
Instead the snow covers her grave, a thick blanket of frozen snow, and I'm wondering what I can take to her on Christmas day? A poinsettia? Maybe a Christmas wreath? Balloons? What do you buy your dead baby for Christmas?
I've decorated the house, made her a stocking, and put up the lovely ornaments bought in her memory by thoughtful friends.
I could feel the tears welling up in church yesterday. The end of term carol service for my littlies. Songs and stories about birth and a little baby.
Today we go to the hospital to hear the post mortem results for our baby.
I'm so scared,last night I dreamed the results simply said "Mother's Fault".
I'm so scared, and so sad,and right now all I can do is shuffle through the days and hope my living children have a good Christmas,and we'll all remember Florence, miss her horribly and wish she was here.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. I hope you get some answers from the PM results and maybe a little peace as well.

    Will be thinking about you all over Christmas.

    Naomi x

  2. Thinking about you! ((HUGS))

  3. Wish I could give you a great big hug.

  4. Thinking of you all especially today. I hope you get some answers.

    For Florence - a helium balloon, or a windmill on a stick, or one of those machines that blows bubbles? all popped into my head as I read your post as they are much loved by my toddler.

  5. Wish I could give you a hug too. Hope you find some answers today. Thinking of you xxx

  6. Helen, thanks for the ideas, the bubble blower is great! I almost bought one the other day when out shopping too.
    (and btw my fil has saved me the private eye article you mentioned)

  7. A nice mobile that would blow around in the breeze, you can get the hangers for bird feeders that look nice that it could go on. The kids could make things to go on it.

    Thinking of you as you get the results. x


Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!