4:13 pm

I'm just warming up after spending the afternoon in the church watching the infant nativity and then fighting my way home through the driving rain,wind and cold with three grumpy children in tow. I can't feel my toes yet!
This afternoons performance was the second, we all went to watch Sid as "head sheep" last night, and I went alone this afternoon.
I've sat in that church countless times, for nativity's, carol services, school leavers,all the usual stuff you'd expect from a CofE school.
I admit I usually go through a sense of duty and sit numb bummed and bored throughout. Last night though,and more especially today when I sat alone I felt both super proud of my gorgeous little sheep, and sad that I was sitting alone, when I should've had a baby snuggled up and nursing.
My eyes were full of tears,but the smiles and waves from Sid and his little friend stopped me from just spilling those tears.
I watched the little stars in the costumes I made several years ago and I thought of how I'd never get to see Florence wearing one and dancing with the other children.
Christmas is changing for me, and I'm not sure how yet.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. My Heart goes out to you you Sweet Brave Mother.X

  2. Bittersweet, bittersweet, bittersweet. That's how I feel about everything this year. I am glad you had your head sheep and his pal to make you smile through your tears. (I have a sheep as well - performance in the weeks ahead....) xoxo

  3. Oh Jeanette. Sometimes I have the feeling that I don't really know what I've lost yet? If that makes any sense at all?

    Well done Sid on his role as "head sheep" and I'm so sorry that Florence wasn't there to see her big brother.

    It just seems to change everything doesn't it? Christmas included. xo

  4. Was speed reading your post and thought the sheep was a pantomine style one and sid was doing the head part (so someone else would be playing the behind!)At least that child would have been warm.

    Hope you find some way of including your little angel that gives you some comfort. x

  5. Anonymous4:17 am

    my heart goes out to you

  6. Bittersweet is right Karen. Sometimes I even feel like I'm outside of myself, like I know I have to get through our first Christmas, and this is the only way.I can't explain myself very well.
    Catherine, you make perfect sense.
    Thanks everyone.Your comments mean more to me than you probably know.


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