The Secret Garden Meeting October
2:21 pmSo this meeting we would like to talk about where you are. Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?
It's been fifteen weeks and two days since Florence was born. I'm starting to think of the time in months now, so that would be just over three months. I find it impossible really to imagine her at three months old. I can guess how she'd look based on how the older children were at three months,but to me Florence is an eternal newborn.
I think three months is probably enough time that most people around me are starting to forget, well no, not forget,but for her not to be at the forefront of their minds.
I still think of her constantly.
I am coping, and slowly slowly adjusting to this new world. There are bad dark times, and brighter easier times,but the pain is still raw and it hurts like hell.
I know there is still a long way to go,but I also know I'm not falling apart and that's all I can do for now.
Peace comes at odd moments and for odd reasons.
This week peace came after meeting with one of the doctors who treated Florence.I realised that spending that time with the doctor talking about Florence, even though we were talking about her death reminded me of her realness. The doctor knew my daughter and spoke of her in such a tender way.Very few people met Florence, and it's hard to explain to everyone just how beautiful and real she was. So when the doctor said she was a "perfect little girl" my heart filled with gratitude, because I knew she meant it sincerely and she knew how real Florence was.
I'm not sure what I hope for in the future. The future is a scary thought. All I can really focus on is now, this moment, and if I do that every moment, every day then the future will come, and will just be.
16 comments
We have not forgotten, you and Florence are still very much in our thoughts and hearts. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI will never forget Florence. I think about her everyday, as I do you and the rest of your family xxx
ReplyDeleteflorence will always be your forever dear little newborn baby girl.
ReplyDeleteLife moves on but I will forever remember your special little girl.
ReplyDeleteFlorence is such a beautiful name! Your doctor sounds amazing, I am so glad she gave you a moment of peace xxx
ReplyDeleteGrief is so hard and changes from day to day. I hope that we can all find some sort of peace to get through our living nightmares- the loss of our babies.
ReplyDeleteBig love to you. You are focusing on the future, its good, remember no one expects you to be going great. xx
ReplyDeleteI think of my Jenna Belle as an eternal newborn too. That is so sweet that your doctor talked with you about your precious Florence. I know what you mean about peace coming at odd times and for odd reasons, but I am so glad it has come to you. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletexo
Your pain and rawness will always be more than friends of yours for this beautiful newborn girl is yours. But I for now, like others have said, continue to think of Florence Violet and you and Woody and your 4 growing children everyday. xx
ReplyDeletestill thinking of you, and sending my love
ReplyDeleteWe think of you and beautiful Florence often hon just wanted to let you know that so many of us are still here thinking of you all and sending our love.
ReplyDeleteThat is so wonderful that your Dr honored Florence!!! I wish mine would have even called Sophia my baby... But just remember to take it one day at a time and remember that as each day passes, you are doing GREAT!!!! I am thinking of you and your beautiful baby Florence!!!
ReplyDeletethere is such beauty and wisdom in this statement
ReplyDelete"All I can really focus on is now, this moment, and if I do that every moment, every day then the future will come, and will just be."
Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Peace
xx
Three months was an especially heavy, dark time for me (not that the rest of it has been easy, but I remember really struggling then). May the load get lighter, may peace and happiness find you again. So sorry you are walking this road too.
ReplyDeletewe have not forgotten Florence and never will, we think about you every day with so much love. She will always be with you xxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThe future is scary for me too. I don't know what to expect and I don't want to plan for it. So I agree with you completely. My future is also coming one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteHi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!