Such a silly coward

11:35 am

Well, maybe not completely. This morning I was brave and I went into the baby department in John Lewis and bought next doors new baby a little soft bunny, and then I even browsed the new baby cards and bought one of those too. (The mother to be cards were a new one on me, and honestly they made me want to vomit with fear!)
I was feeling quite smug and proud of myself, until I got home, and just as I put my keys in the front door I could hear next door's keys too, my heart rate increased, I hastily turned my key and I was safe inside before anyone saw me. (pathetic I know, but it gets worse.)
I wrapped up the bunny, and wrote the card from *all* of us, then I sneaked quietly out the front door, leaned over the bushes and the fence that seperates our front gardens and silently placed the gift on their front step.
They'll find it eventually.

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A little note
I don't think my neighbours read my blog,but I know some of my local friends do, and so it's entirely possible that my neighbours may stumble across my ramblings at some point, which is why I haven't before mentioned the new baby next door.
I'm pretty certain I don't have to point out to anyone how it might feel for me right now to know there is (hopefully) such joy next door, and that I may possibly be a hindrance to that joy being celebrated as openly as it deserves to be.
And it doesn't matter how much I try to say or do the right thing here,it comes out wrong.
I'm sad,I'm heartbroken, but I'm happy they have their baby in their arms to love.

Don't be shy, say hello!

10 comments

  1. ...and no one would think any differently of you, I'm sure!
    Keep writing, please...

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  2. Phew that must be very difficult. I know a little one who was born two days after Kajsa but I get to go visit him and don't have to worry about bumping into him when unprepared. I know its extremely difficult for his mum and I'm sure for your neighbour too.

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  3. you're amazing sweetie, and no, not at all a coward - very much the opposite. xx

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  4. Ahhhh, I cry for you. How bittersweet to have a new babe next door when you should have yours in your arms to introduce to theirs. I get it, completely. So many friends and family are having babies since George died. I rejoice for each child born healthy, but I long for mine. It's a horrible wistful ache isn't it? xo from far away (and yet feeling close)

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  5. HUGS Jeanette ((())) you were very brave to do that. ...((()))

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  6. You have a strength that Im not sure I would have.

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  7. What a truly heavy burden you bear, hope that by sharing with your cyber buddies, your pain is eased a little.
    well done for even making it into the baby department.
    Hugs
    San xx

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  8. oh Jeanette you are not a coward, it must have taken a lot of strength and bravery to do that.

    ((hugs))

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  9. Oh Jeanette, you should feel proud of yourself. More than proud.
    What a beautiful thing to do and, if I was your neighbour, that soft little bunny and that new baby card would mean so much to me as I might have an inkling of just how much it cost you to buy them. More than money and time.

    You are such a brave and generous soul, certainly not silly, certainly not a coward. xo

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  10. Hello my friend - Just popping by to say hello. I'm off to bed and thought of you, likely just starting your day your side of the world. I've been thinking of your generous spirit since reading this blog post. I've mailed gifts off and felt odd but had that distance. (((Hugs)))

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Hi, I love to hear from readers, hate to think I'm talking to myself here, so don't be shy say hello!