October 4th Capturing Grief

6:28 pm

beatrice bunny, originally uploaded by indiaeden.
I haven't found today's theme easy.
I thought hard about my most treasured item, and I couldn't really narrow it down to just one item, but to each item carefully packed away in Florence's memory box.
I thought maybe sometime today I might open her box and photo the contents, but I couldn't.
I don't open that box very often.
While re arranging my bedroom at the weekend I moved her memory box, her books, her cards and her paperwork all to a new shelf at the foot of my bed.
The only way I can get the memory box onto or off the shelf is by moving a large underbed storage box of shoes and then sliding the box under my bed and out.
It feels secure there...though it has crossed my mind that in a fire I might have to leave it behind.
I rarely look in the box, everything is packed so neatly, and it's all so precious, I don't want to disturb it, and honestly I don't want to share photos of the precious items inside.
I'm not sure, even Woody knows what is in there. I don't think anyone besides me has ever looked in it.
I can tell you, there is the nappy, gown,hat and blanket she was wrapped in when they took her for the post mortem.
I can tell you, that those items came back washed in some foul smelling detergent.
There is the half finished sweater I was knitting in labour, some snips of her hair, a dress I so wanted to dress my summer baby in; and more besides.
The box is lined with rose scented paper, the smell is divine. If I do open it I breath in that scent and there she is, just for a moment, a fleeting second, and I can almost feel the warmth of her skin, and the weight of her in my arms.
In the top of the box sits sweet little Beatrice Bunny.
I've written about her before, she's tattered and torn from her escapades at the cemetery, but she's in there, and there she will stay.

Don't be shy, say hello!


  1. Beatrice Bunny might be worn and tattered but she's well love and beautiful <3

  2. Its not easy,sharing. I feel that so few people realise what a big part of my life losing my baby was that maybe I am trying to show (shock) them into realising it. I have the 'it was only a miscarriage' attitude to contend with, most people didnt even know I had a normal delivery. Anyway, I think Beatrice is adorable, and if she was pristine with a layer of grey dust, that would feel wrong. I lift down the bunny I knitted for Ellie regularly so that doesn't happen.

  3. Oh Jeanette. I don't open my daughter's memory box very often either. Not any more.

    Like your Florence's, it is penned in by other things.

    I'm so sorry that they washed your little girl's things. I have a hat with blood on and, this probably sounds horribly morbid, but it is the most precious thing in the box. I hate that they washed Florence's things. It should have been your choice and you should have been the one to wash them, if that if what you had wanted. In detergent that smelt like your own clean washing and your home.

    I love the smell of roses. And dear little Beatrice Bunny too.


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