October 6th What Not To Say11:48 am
I doubt there is a babylost parent out there that hasn't had a stupid or thoughtless comment made to them at some time.
I like to believe that most thoughless comments are the result of fear, and mouths springing into action before the brain is properly focused, or has had time to consider the impact of the words falling from the mouth.
I've had lots of the usual things said to me, been told I'm brave and often, the same person will also say how they couldn't be as brave if it happened to them...I do wonder what exactly they would do instead? And although I'm sure they don't mean this, but are they implying they love their children so much more than I do because they couldn't possibly go on?
I have had one person tell me it was time I moved on, and focused on my living children. That enraged me, but I simply walked away, when really what I wanted to do was ask her which one of her children she could move on from so quickly? And had she any idea how much I had been focussing on my older children and supporting them through their grief?
Two days after Florence died, I had a phone call from someone telling me she knew just how I felt because her happy healthy living daughter had spent some time in hospital as a baby, and then she cried and told me every detail of her child's hospital stay. She didn't just do this once, but several times over that summer.
The photo though shows something that was said to me after I told someone that my youngest daughter had died.
I was incredulous at her response, I almost laughed as I replied, "She was 9lbs 3.5oz, she was born alive."
Really though, what hurts the most is when nothing is said, when Florence is not mentioned or acknowleged.